Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
