I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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