And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
