Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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