You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
