you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
