Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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