Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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