I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
