i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
