She went from zero to smokin in five shots
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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