dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
