textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
