your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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