I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
