i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
