I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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