3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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