I'm really into asian looking animals
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
