why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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