Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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