Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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