How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
