found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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