Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
