Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
