Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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