Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
