She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
