Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
