Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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