she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
