i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
