4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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