dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
