But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
