Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
