careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
