Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
