I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
