Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
