Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
