watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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