Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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