I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
