you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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