porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
