he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
