I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
