There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
