how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
