I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
