We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
