you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
