Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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