i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
