I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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