Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
