That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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