fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are two peas in an std pod
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
