So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
