dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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