The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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