Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
